The Days and the Years
by S. E. Mercury
Summary: Growing up with five other brothers wasn't exactly what any of them would consider easy, but it definitely came with it's blessings in addition to the curses. A collection of short age au fics.
1. Parts 1 and 2

**I.**

"Osomatsu!" Matsuyo called from the living room area. He walked in to see her stuffing a very squirmy Ichimatsu into his t-ball uniform. "Can you watch Todomatsu while we're gone?"

Osomatsu opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by his mother. "Your father has to take Karamatsu to dance and Choromatsu to piano, and I'm taking Ichimatsu and Jyushimatsu to t-ball." As if on cue, Jyushimatsu came tearing through the room, bat in hand, nearly smacking Ichimatsu in the face, causing him to cry even more than he already was. She gave Osomatsu a pleading expression.

"I don't know how to take care of him, he's too little," he said, knowing full well that this was a blatant lie. He had been changing diapers and helping with feedings and naps since he was seven years old.

"Good, thank you so much," she said, ignoring his complaint. "He has a bottle in the fridge if he needs it. We shouldn't be gone for more than an hour or two."

Matsuyo finished getting a sniffling Ichimatsu into his uniform and then stuck out her arm to catch a still running Jyushimatsu. She led them both to the front door, calling a goodbye to Osomatsu over her shoulder that was drowned out by Matsuzo saying something about no tap shoes on the floor. And then with a loud clamor of voices, the door shut and the house went silent.

Osomatsu looked to his youngest brother, barely a year old, sitting on a blanket in the living room, seemingly unfazed by the commotion he had just witnessed. He looked to his oldest brother, big brown eyes shining with feigned innocence - Osomatsu knew it was feigned - and then began to cry.

"Don't do this to me," he muttered. "They'll be back later, there's nothing I can do about it."

This only made Todomatsu cry even harder.

"You can stop that, you know. It won't get you what you want," he said, sitting down next to Todomatsu on the blanket. He almost felt bad for talking to a baby this harshly. Almost. At this point, he considered himself very good at figuring out his brothers' personalities from a very young age.

He could even remember back to the point of being three years old and seeing Karamatsu for the first time. He remembered how it seemed like he had two modes and nothing in between: crying and giggling. Choromatsu, he recalled, was the easiest infant to deal with, crying only when hungry or in pain and then otherwise being perfectly pleasant. Ichimatsu was the first one he was really hands on with, and he remembers wondering if he had broken him at one point because Ichimatsu had a habit of just lying there, not moving. Jyushimatsu was the opposite, crawling from an absurdly young age and never stopping, often choking on things he found and placed into his always open mouth.

Todomatsu, he quickly realized, had youngest child syndrome. Which he knew made sense, in a family this big, you could only get someone's attention so many different ways, and acting cute one minute and then like a brat - _was it okay to call a one year old a brat?_ Osomatsu wondered - the next was a surefire way to get at least _someone's_ attention, especially when he was at this age.

Osomatsu lay down on the blanket and picked up the still crying Todomatsu and let him sit on top of his stomach. "I know it's hard being in a family this big," he said softly, vaguely wondering why he was trying to converse with a baby, "but it'll get better, I promise. And besides," he said, feeling the bitterness growing inside of him, "you're the favorite right now."

He knew it was bad to blame Todomatsu, because that's just how things went after all: the baby gets the most attention, because babies need the most attention. But he couldn't help but harbor resentment, thinking back on the nine years of his life that his parents paid more attention to his younger brothers than him. _Am I selfish for thinking this?_ he wondered, but shrugged away the thought, his face softening as he had an idea.

He lifted Todomatsu up over his head so that he was looking directly up at the baby. "But do you want to know a secret?"

Todomatsu sniffled in response, tears still in the corners of his eyes.

Osomatsu brought him down closer to his face so that their foreheads almost touched. "You're my favorite too."

He could have sworn Todomatsu smiled in response, but then he remembered that babies don't smile and that it's more of an involuntary response. But what he said wasn't really a lie; he did prefer Todomatsu's company at the moment. He wouldn't talk back or ignore Osomatsu like his other brothers did now. He knew it would change as time went on, but for right now it was the truth. And he secretly hoped that the smile he had been given was Todomatsu's own way of agreeing with him.

Osomatsu brought him back down onto his stomach and then over his head a few more times, making airplane noises. Eventually Todomatsu began to giggle and babble happily, all trace of tears gone. He then sat him back down on the blanket and stood up. "Wait here," he instructed.

He returned with a handful of sweet cereal and placed it on the blanket in front of Todomatsu. "Don't tell Mom," he said, chuckling slightly to himself at the idea of the baby tattling on him. He knew it was safe to feed him the cereal, though probably not something his mother would be happy about, considering it was mainly sugar.

Todomatsu took a piece and put it in his mouth, eyes growing wide when the sweetness touched his tongue. He chewed in what Osomatsu considered to be a thoughtful way before putting another piece into his mouth.

Osomatsu lay back down on the blanket, closing his eyes and listening to the soft crunch of the cereal, wondering which group would arrive back home first. He almost felt himself beginning to fall asleep when a sticky hand on his arm pulled him back to full consciousness. Todomatsu was holding a piece of cereal out to him and looking at him expectantly. Osomatsu propped himself up on his elbows and cautiously accepted the cereal, wanting to make sure this really was what Todomatsu wanted him to do in order to avoid another crying fit.

When he popped it into his mouth, he could have sworn he saw Todomatsu smiling again before grabbing his own piece of cereal.

* * *

 **II.**

Jyushimatsu gripped the bars of the crib firmly as he stared at the sleeping figure inside. He looked up to Choromatsu with a wide grin. He returned his gaze to Todomatsu and began to jump up and down excitedly.

"Careful," Choromatsu warned, placing a hand on his younger brother's shoulder. He often took it upon himself to watch over his younger brothers even when not asked, knowing how quickly they could get out of control. Ichimatsu lay face up on the floor, ignoring the rest of them.

Jyushimatsu stuck his arm through the bars and looked up at Choromatsu again. "Play?" he asked, one of the few words he said at this age.

Choromatsu shook his head in response. "I can't take him out of the crib. Dad's at work, and everyone else is busy. Besides," he said, lowering his voice, "he's asleep."

Jyushimatsu nodded his head slowly, sticking his fingers in his mouth and looking thoughtfully back at Todomatsu. The infant moved in his sleep, causing a delightful squeal to come from Jyushimatsu.

He removed his sticky fingers from his mouth and placed them back on the bar, causing Choromatsu to mutter, "That's gross," and grab a baby wipe to clean up the mess. "And remember, we have to be quiet," he pleaded as Jyushimatsu let out another squeal of delight.

Todomatsu moved in his sleep again, causing one of his arms to come near the edge of the crib. Very cautiously, almost unusually so, Jyushimatsu reached his hand through the bars and placed his own small hand underneath Todomatsu's. When he grabbed hold if one of Jyushimatsu's fingers, Jyushimatsu turned his head back to Choromatsu, smile impossibly wide.

"You'll make a great big brother," Choromatsu said softly, ruffling Jyushimatsu's hair.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : These two were requests from my tumblr that sparked this entire story. If you have any suggestions or requests for it, please feel free to ask me on there.


	2. Part 3

**III.**

Ichimatsu had felt for a long time that the roof of their house was a peculiar place.

It was there, and often only there, that he would find his brothers different from their normal selves, arguably their true selves. On more than one occasion he found Karamatsu playing guitar and singing, Osomatsu getting emotional over dime-store novels, and Jyushimatsu quiet, still, and contemplative. He would even admit to smiling at laughing with Todomatsu when he came across Ichimatsu feeding the cats.

But Choromatsu had always acted the same, at least as far as Ichimatsu saw. He was either on the roof reading a book because the house was too noisy, or he was comforting one of the other brothers as if he was a surrogate parent.

Until today.

When Ichimatsu spotted the familiar green sweater through the window, he decided to join him out there. He enjoyed hearing his brother talk about his books more than he would ever admit to anyone. And since it looked like Choromatsu was out there alone, that must be what he was doing.

The small cloud and scent of smoke told Ichimatsu that he was wrong.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, a little more roughly than intended.

Choromatsu started, dropping the cigarette; both of them watched it roll into the gutter. "Nothing," he replied, sweat already beginning to pool on his brow.

Ichimatsu looked at him with his signature deadpan stare. It felt like several minutes, but he was sure it was only a matter of seconds before Choromatsu cracked.

"Don't tell mom and dad."

"Why?"

Choromatsu scratched the back of his neck. "Well," he began, "I don't want them to be…"

"No," Ichimatsu interrupted, feeling his voice growing louder than normal for him. "I mean why are you smoking?"

The elder of the two simply hung his head in shame and looked away in response. And somehow the silence made Ichimatsu angrier.

"It isn't even that it's technically illegal—" _though it surprises me, Choromatsu_ "—because I see kids smoking on the street corner all the time—" _and we make fun of them._ "It isn't even that it's bad for you—" _though it is, because we need you around_ "—because you're free to make your own decisions—" _even though you're not. None of us are. Not with five other brothers._

Ichimatsu's hands shook as he took in a quivering breath. "It's that you lecture us constantly about things and rules and now you just go and act like they don't apply to you? I mean you've even warned us specifically about smoking! So I want to know why!"

Choromatsu looked like he was about to cry, and if Ichimatsu hadn't been so angry he might have felt guilty.

"Finals are coming up," the elder said, attempting a weak smile. "I've just been really worried about them. That's all."

Ichimatsu stared at him in disbelief. "Really?" he scoffed.

Choromatsu swallowed and nodded his head, lower lip trembling.

"We all have finals soon." Ichimatsu felt his hands ball into fists. "Why aren't we all up here smoking?"

"You don't understand," he said, voice breaking.

"You're right; I don't understand! That's why I'm asking you—"

"No, you don't understand!" Choromatsu shouted, causing Ichimatsu to take a step back. "You don't understand," he continued, "what it's like being in my position in the family. You don't understand what it's like being the only responsible one. I have to pass these tests! Osomatsu barely graduated and doesn't have any other plans, and Karamatsu is on the same path." He took a deep breath as he tried to stop his hands from shaking. In a quieter voice he went on, "I want to be a good big brother to you guys; I want to be a good example…"

"And so you do that by being a hypocrite?" Ichimatsu regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth and even more so when Choromatsu looked at him as if he had been struck. _I'm sorry. You don't have to do this. Don't be so hard on yourself. We don't expect you to be perfect. We love you_ , were all things he wanted to say, but all that came out was, "Pathetic."

Choromatsu sniffled and wiped his face with his sleeve before whispering, "I guess so, huh?"

Ichimatsu felt like throwing up.

He should apologize.

He should say something.

But he didn't.

"Well," Choromatsu said, voice still shaky, "I guess I should get back to studying. If you'll excuse me…" He walked past Ichimatsu, refusing to meet his eyes, and quietly slipped through the window.

Feet still firmly planted, Ichimatsu stared at the other rooftops as he tried to process what had transpired in these few minutes. Eventually, still feeling angry and ashamed, Ichimatsu also climbed through the window back into the house.

It would be months before he could look Choromatsu in the eye again. Not that this was particularly abnormal for Ichimatsu to do, and yet the hurt radiating off Choromatsu was almost palpable to him. It would be years before he truly forgave him and realized exactly what had happened on the roof that day. It wasn't until Ichimatsu also turned to cigarettes as a way to stop the shaking hands and racing thoughts that he finally understood.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Alternate title for this one is _I saw something that said Choromatsu was Ichimatsu's favorite brother and he looked up to him and then I saw a fanart of Choro smoking and I haven't stopped crying inside since._


	3. Parts 4 and 5

**IV.**

"Alright, are you guys ready?" Karamatsu asked, standing in front of a bed sheet that was pinned up by two small hooks in the wall.

The Matsuno family nodded collectively as they all sat on the couch. Matsuzo and Matsuyo sat in the middle with Jyushimatsu sprawled out across their laps. Choromatsu sat next to his mother, and Osomatsu was at his other side on the edge. Ichimatsu sat on the other side of the couch next to his father, propping his head up with his elbow on the armrest, staring off into the distance.

Karamatsu smiled widely at the sight of his family's attention. "Okay then! Ladies and gentlemen! I present you for the first time ever, an original play written and performed by Karamatsu and Todomatsu Matsuno!" He bowed after saying this, despite no applause yet, and backed out to stage right.

With a blanket tied around his neck like a cape, little four-year old Todomatsu walked into the room. Head held high, he marched over in front of the bed sheet and turned to his audience. "I am king!" he declared. "I am king of all of France and Paris, the finest city in the world!" After speaking, he glanced to Karamatsu who gave him a thumbs-up. "I am king!" he continued. "And I have a problem! No one in my country or city is paying taxes!"

Matsuyo raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with her husband.

"Here comes a peasant now!" Todomatsu said, looking to his right as Karamatsu stood up and walked over to him.

The elder brother got down on his knees and bowed in front of Todomatsu. "Please, your majesty!" he said in a voice much deeper than his normal one. "I beg of you, spare my life! I am unable to pay my taxes at the moment because of the horrid famine! My children are starving and my wife has died! I just need a little bit more time!"

Todomatsu stared down at his brother. "No!"

"Please sire!" Karamatsu cried loudly, causing Ichimatsu to jump a little. "Please, my lord, spare my life! For my children's sake!"

"I think we need to have another talk with Karamatsu," Matsuzo whispered to his wife, who nodded in response.

"No, you must die," Todomatsu said plainly.

"Please!" Karamatsu shrieked,

"Okay! I think that's enough," Matsuyo said, standing up from the couch after passing off Jyushimatsu to her husband.

Karamatsu immediately broke character and sat up. "But Mom," he whined, "we haven't even gotten to the best part! Please, it's almost over."

With a deep sigh, Matsuyo sat back down.

Karamatsu took this as a signal to continue, so he resumed character and lowered his head so that it was almost touching the floor.

Todomatsu stared blankly, thrown off guard by the interruption.

"Please, do not kill me!" Karamatsu said, glancing up at his little brother.

The youngest just stared at him, eyes wide.

"You have to kill me now," he whispered to him.

Todomatsu nodded. "I must kill you now!"

"No, you have to say why _you_ _'re_ the one killing me. Couldn't you hire people to do it?" Karamatsu prompted, sitting up on both his knees and looking his brother in the eye.

Todomatsu blinked a couple of times. "I must be the one to kill you!" he said with a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

Karamatsu closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, you—" He leaned in and whispered the line into Todomatsu's ear.

The youngest brother nodded. "Since no one will pay me taxes," he began, looking to Karamatsu for reassurance. "I must kill you."

"Because…?" he prompted.

"Because… I don't have taxes?" Todomatsu asked, eyebrows turning up.

Karamatsu shook his head and whispered into his ear again.

"Because I don't have the money from the taxes to…?" he started.

"To hire someone else to kill you."

"To hire someone else to kill you!" Todomatsu repeated.

Karamatsu fell face down on the floor and wailed, "Oh woe is me! What will become of my family? My livelihood? If I die, then surely, they too shall die! Please, I beg of you, spare my life so that I may save the lives of my family!" There was an unnatural pause as Karamatsu lay there, eventually looking up at Todomatsu. "Now," he whispered.

"Die!" Todomatsu cried, grabbing a pillow next to him and hitting Karamatsu with it. "Die, die, die!"

Karamatsu screamed, causing everyone else in the room to grit their teeth. He rolled around on the floor, apparently defenseless against Todomatsu's onslaught with his pillow. After Todomatsu had hit him enough times that he was tired, Karamatsu began letting out exaggerated groans and gasps for air before succumbing to his inevitable death which was signaled by one last guttural moan.

The Matsuno family stared in shock at the second eldest son lying motionless on the floor and the youngest next to him holding a pillow.

Choromatsu was the first one to begin hesitantly clapping, which caused Karamatsu to spring up and begin bowing. The rest of the family clapped with about the same enthusiasm as Choromatsu, though Jyushimatsu got up and gave each of the performers a big kiss on the cheek.

"Well, that was certainly, uh, something," Matsuyo said, not wanting to discourage her children's creativity, but definitely somewhat concerned for the dark turn this little play had taken. "I have to go get started on dinner now, but this was very… good." She glanced to her husband as if to say, _We are definitely going to need to have another talk with him_.

"We did good?" Todomatsu asked his brother.

"Yes, we did!" Karamatsu replied, absolutely beaming at his younger brother.

 **V.**

Ichimatsu was lying on his bed, leafing through a magazine, when he heard someone come in the room. "Baseball!" the voice said, indicating clearly who it was.

He sat up and looked at his younger brother who was already decked out in his baseball uniform and clutching his baseball bat, ever present smile on his face. "I'm not doing baseball this summer," he told him. "Mom and Dad only require it until we're six. I get to choose something else this summer." Ichimatsu went back to looking at his magazine.

Jyushimatsu climbed up on the bed, serious expression on his face. "Why?"

"Why what?"

The four-year-old blinked. "Why?" he repeated.

"Because I'm tired of t-ball," he answered, assuming that's what his little brother meant. "Next year you'll have Todomatsu with you, but for this year you'll just have to go by yourself."

Jyushimatsu continued to stare at him, eyes unblinking as the smile faded. "I don't want to be alone."

"You'll be fine," he said dismissively.

"No!" he cried, practically flinging himself on top of Ichimatsu. "I want to play baseball with you!"

After the momentary shock, Ichimatsu couldn't help but pat his head reassuringly. "Does it really mean that much to you?"

Ichimatsu felt Jyushimatsu nod his head up against his chest.

With a deep sigh he said, "Fine, I guess I'll ask if it's too late to sign up."

His younger brother somehow managed to practically tackle him again, despite already being on top of him. Wrapping him in a suffocating hug, Jyushimatsu bounced up and down. "Thank you!" he exclaimed.

"Get off!" He put all his effort into trying to get his younger brother off of him. Contrary to his small size, Jyushimatsu had always been extremely strong and full of energy, making it difficult to get him to do anything you asked, especially if it involved stopping a hug.

Nearly flying out of the room with his bat, Jyushimatsu yelled behind him, "I'll ask Mom!"

Still trying to process what just happened, Ichimatsu rolled his eyes and laid back down on his bed. After hearing Jyushimatsu's voice in the other room, he decided it better to just get up and get it all over with. It wasn't necessarily that he disliked playing t-ball, but more that he didn't like being around so many other kids all at once. If he felt like he had any talent, like Choromatsu, he might consider taking up piano or some other instrument. Ichimatsu had considered asking for some sort of art class, since those tended to be rather quiet and solitary, but apparently now his summer plans were being decided for him by his younger brother.

Matsuyo looked at him as he came into the room. "Ichimatsu, I thought you didn't want to do t-ball this year?"

"I don't," he replied.

"Then why…?"

"Because I want him to!" Jyushimatsu cheered, bouncing up and down slightly.

"I suppose if we called today, it wouldn't be too late to sign you up," she said, walking over to the phone.

"Make sure I'm on the same team as him."

Their mother smiled. "Of course I will, since he's the reason you're going."

Ichimatsu nodded and walked out of the room, heading to his room so he could lay back down on his bed until he was called for dinner.

After dinner, he watched a movie with his family without saying a word the entire time, and at the first chance he got, he left to get ready for bed so he could lay back down until he became sleepy enough to fall asleep. He didn't understand why his family always wanted to do things during the summer. Wasn't the point of summer to do nothing?

Ichimatsu had been laying down for about an hour when someone came into the shared room. From the footsteps, he could tell it was Jyushimatsu, who he assumed had come in to get his pajamas. The bed dipped a little as a new weight was added to it, and he then realized that apparently Jyushimatsu wasn't in here to get his pajamas, but rather he came in for something else.

Jyushimatsu sat still for a moment before throwing his arms around his brother. "Thank you," he said in a quiet voice. "I'm happy you'll play baseball with me." He sat and stared at Ichimatsu for a few moments, unsure if his brother was asleep or not.

He had never been a fan of physical affection, or really any kind of affection, so despite being very much so awake, Ichimatsu continued to pretend to be asleep.

He heard a small sigh come from Jyushimatsu followed by the sensation of his face up against his own. "I love you, big brother," Jyushimatsu whispered to him before giving him a small kiss on the cheek. "Good night."

Jyushimatsu left the room, seeming to have too much energy left to be able to sleep just yet. Ichimatsu rubbed the spot where he had kissed clean with his sleeve and tried to sleep once more, pretending to himself that nothing had happened. But as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn't prevent his lips from curling into a soft smile at the thought of how happy his brother was.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : Here are the next two parts! I wrote these ones during the Camp NaNoWriMo and edited them as I found time. Life has been really hectic for me lately, but I finally have a stable job that I'm just starting and some of the other drama is settled, so hopefully I should be able to update this semi-regularly! (Hopefully once or twice a month!)

If you would like to support me and my work, please consider buying me a coffee! A link to the site can be found on my profile!

As with everything, constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated, and if you have any prompts or suggestions for this fic, please don't hesitate in contacting me on my tumblr, semercury!


	4. Parts 6 and 7

**VI.**

It wasn't an unusual thing Todomatsu quickly found out throughout the year. So, when the fall term began, he wasn't expecting anything different from how the summer term had gone. And when two of his first year classmates cornered him in a hallway, he was prepared for what was about to happen. He had always been smaller than his peers and his brothers, and being more feminine didn't help with the bullying at all. Despite it all, he held his head high, too proud to ask for help from his brothers or administration.

"Hello boys," he said coolly to the two who had trapped him between the wall and themselves.

"Is that all you have to say to us after all break?" the taller of the two said. "Didn't you miss us?"

"Not particularly," Todomatsu replied, keeping his aloof attitude. He could feel himself trembling where he stood, but he would rather die than let those two know he was scared.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" the shorter one demanded.

"Exactly what it sounds like!" Todomatsu snapped back. "I didn't miss you."

"How dare you talk to us like that?" the taller one said, sneering as he grabbed Todomatsu's collar.

He gasped, tightening his grip on his bag, but kept his expression firm, refusing to give in. Todomatsu swallowed hard and glared at his attacker, daring him to do anything else.

"Cat got your tongue now?" the one holding onto him asked. "I bet we know how to make you talk."

The shorter one came in close, blocking any potential teachers or class representatives from seeing, and delivered a swift punch to Todomatsu's stomach.

It knocked the wind out of him and made him feel nauseated. Regretting eating breakfast, he struggled to catch his breath and keep from throwing up. He kept his eyes open, however, and caught sight of the taller one's fist coming to land a second blow. He was able to move his bag a little to soften the punch, but it wasn't enough to escape without any pain.

"No fair blocking us like that, where's the fun?" the taller one taunted.

The shorter one grabbed hold of his bag and began pulling.

"No!" he shrieked, keeping a death-grip on his bag. Pride before him, he refused to let them strip him of even more dignity by stealing his things from him.

No matter how hard he held on, however, the two boys managed to eventually pry his fingers away from his bag. He watched in horror as they began opening it and rummaging through all of his books and notebooks, clearly looking for something they could use against him.

"What's going on?" a familiar voice said from behind them.

The two boys froze in place, caught red handed in their crime. Slowly they turned around to be met with the large grin of Jyushimatsu, Todomatsu's only brother in the middle school with him.

"What's going on?" he repeated, smile still on his face. As soon as he caught sight of Todomatsu's panicked expression and eyes with tears threatening to spill over, his ever present smile vanished and was replaced by a dark expression. "I think you two need to leave," he said darkly, a threatening aura emanating off of him that would make Ichimatsu proud.

The two boys remained stunned for a moment before dropping Todomatsu's bag and running down the hallway away from the third year.

Jyushimatsu kept his menacing glare fixed on the two boys until they disappeared around the corner. His usual smile returned when he turned to face his brother. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Todomatsu muttered, embarrassed that his brother had to come to his rescue.

"Did they hurt you?"

"Not really," Todomatsu said, gingerly rubbing the still sore part of his stomach.

Jyushimatsu's smile faltered at this sight. He wrapped his younger brother in a tight hug. "Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you again!"

"Get off me!" He struggled to escape from Jyushimatsu's embrace. "You don't need to save me, I can handle things on my own! I'm not a baby."

Jyushimatsu loosened his grip for a moment so he could hold Todomatsu at arms' length and look him straight in the eye. "You're my little brother," he said as cheerfully as ever. "Of course I have to protect you!"

Todomatsu felt tears prick his eyes, but he blinked them away before giving his older brother a big hug in return.

From that day forward, Todomatsu never had to worry about bullies again. His protector was always there, watching out for him.

 **VII.**

Karamatsu sat on the couch, head in a book. The unusual sight caught Osomatsu off guard as he walked into the living room, and he couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "What are you doing? Did you lose a bet to Choromatsu?"

Karamatsu let out a dry laugh before replying, "Finals are coming up."

"So?" Osomatsu asked, scratching at his nose.

With an uncomfortable smile, he said, "My grades aren't looking so good, and with graduation coming up…"

Osomatsu gave him a sympathetic look before sitting down on the couch next to him. "Look, they let me graduate despite my grades. I'm sure you'll be fine!"

"But I don't want to just be fine!" Karamatsu scratched the back of his neck after catching sight of his brother's hurt expression. "I mean, it's just…

"No, I know what you mean," Osomatsu replied, trying to ignore the sting left by the comment. "Have you looked at any other schools?" he asked after sighing briefly.

Karamatsu let out a small laugh. "My mind is made up, I want to go to that school." His face fell as he glanced away from his older brother. "I know I'll have to take a couple years off after graduation so I can work and save up money. Even if I get a scholarship, an overseas school is expensive, and I know Mom and Dad can't afford the tuition."

"Yeah," Osomatsu breathed, unsure of what else he could say. He felt a small twinge somewhere in the back of his stomach. Osomatsu had watched his younger brother grow up with his head filled with dreams and aspirations. He would be lying if he said that Karamatsu was a bad actor or didn't have what it took; he had been to enough of his plays to know that his brother had talent. However, it seemed that along the way, he had picked up his older brother's study and spending habits, and was now in the same situation Osomatsu had found himself in a few years back.

The only difference was that Karamatsu actually seemed to care.

"So, uh, what are you studying right now?" he asked.

"English," Karamatsu said, his eyes already having returned to the book. "It's really hard, and I know I'll have to find a way to keep studying it after I graduate, since I'll need to be mostly fluent."

"Well, I know you'll be able to do it," Osomatsu said, mouth already tasting like lies. He believed in his brother, he really did! It was just that with their family circumstances and his own history, he knew it would take a miracle.

"Thank you," Karamatsu responded. "Here, quiz me with these flash cards." He handed Osomatsu a small stack of handmade flashcards with English and Japanese words on them.

Osomatsu took the cards and began holding them up to his brother. As Karamatsu began to mutter to himself before translating each word, Osomatsu found his mind wandering. _Why did I say that he can do it, when I know he can't?_ he asked himself.

 _Well, isn't that what a good big brother does? Encourage his little siblings?_ a voice inside of him whispered.

He couldn't help but smile to himself. _That's right! I'm just being a good big brother_ , he thought. Despite this affirmation, the twinge in the back of his stomach returned and developed into a knot.

 _You know you're not a good big brother_ , a voice whispered darkly. Osomatsu swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the awful feeling in the pit of his stomach. He struggled to focus on the words Karamatsu was translating, but his mind kept pulling him away. _Good big brothers don't set such bad examples for their siblings. Good big brothers don't waste their own lives and drag their siblings down with them. Good big brothers don't want to keep their siblings living at home with them out of fear of being alone._

 _Good big brothers don't hope their siblings fail so they won't be the only failure in the family._

"Osomatsu?" Karamatsu said, snapping Osomatsu out of his thoughts.

"Hm?"

"Did I get it right?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at his brother.

"Oh, um," he stuttered, embarrassed that he had spaced out so badly. "What did you say again."

"To run," Karamatsu repeated.

"Yeah, that's right." He put the card down on top of the slowly growing pile in front of him.

Karamatsu eyed his brother, but didn't say anything, so Osomatsu continued flipping through the flash cards. After roughly a half an hour of quizzing him, Karamatsu decided that it was enough for the day.

"Thank you," he said, a somewhat hesitant smile on his face.

"Don't mention it," Osomatsu replied with a wave of his hand. The knot in his stomach remained, but he hoped that maybe this gesture could help loosen it, even if just a little bit.

* * *

What is this? A consistent update? Whaaat?

Please feel free to offer constructive criticism! I want to get better at writing, and feedback is the best way to do that!

Also if you like what I do, please consider buying me a coffee (ko-fi dot com slash semercury). I'm actually in a bit of a pinch, as my laptop is being held together with duct tape. Certainly don't feel obligated, but every little bit helps. And as always, feel free to talk to me on tumblr (semercury on tumblr) if you have any suggestions or requests for this fic!


	5. Part 8

**VIII.**

This wasn't the first night Todomatsu had woken up with the need to relieve himself, and he knew it wouldn't be the last either. And like all the nights this happened before, he stood at the door to his shared room and peered into the dark hallway. Todomatsu was well aware that he wasn't the bravest of six year olds, in fact he would probably count himself amongst the more fearful of children if needed. He also knew that neither of the two brothers he shared the room would accompany him to the bathroom; Jyushimatsu was the hardest out of the six to wake up and would end up being too loud, and he knew better than to ask Ichimatsu for anything.

Todomatsu continued standing there, trembling, when the sudden sound of an opening door caused him to jump. After recovering—and thankful there wasn't an accident—he looked to the source of the noise to see Choromatsu exiting his shared room. Too frightened to speak, and frankly embarrassed as well, Todomatsu just stared desperately at his older brother in hopes that he would catch Choromatsu's eye.

As luck should have it, Choromatsu did spot the youngest brother standing in the doorway. "What's wrong?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

Todomatsu, still too ashamed to speak out loud, just kept glancing between his brother and the direction of the bathroom.

Between the looks and the small dance Todomatsu was beginning to do, Choromatsu made the connection. "Ah, I see. Do you want me to walk you? Are you too afraid of the dark?"

He nodded earnestly, grabbing hold of Choromatsu's hand before he could say anything else. Todomatsu was grateful that it was the third eldest brother how found him in this predicament, because he knew Choromatsu was the only one who would have asked about his fear without a condescending note in his voice.

It only took about a minute for Todomatsu to do his business before coming out of the door and seeing Choromatsu waiting for him. "Thank you," he whispered.

"No problem," Choromatsu said, waving his hand slightly. "The dark can be kind of scary. I understand." He paused for a moment, as if in though. "In fact, I'm kind of glad I ran into you. I woke up thirsty and needed to go to the kitchen. Will you go with me?"

Todomatsu's face lit up. "Yes!" he said excitedly, grabbing his brother's hand once again. He puffed out his chest slightly as they walked through the dark house, proudly escorting his brother to get some water.

Once in the kitchen, Choromatsu grabbed a glass and a mug from the cabinet. He filled the mug with a little bit of milk and put it in the microwave to warm while he filled up his own glass with water. Stopping the microwave just before it began beeping, Choromatsu brought both drinks over to the table where Todomatsu was already sitting. He placed the milk in front of his younger brother, cautioning him to wait a little in case it was hot.

Choromatsu took a few sips of his water before asking Todomatsu, "So has this happened before?"

Todomatsu nodded in response, looking down at his feet dangling off the chair.

"Hmm, well, how about this: if it happens again, don't be afraid to knock on my door a little, okay?" Choromatsu smiled a little to himself as he took another sip. "I'm the lightest sleeper in the room, and I usually get up to get a drink or go to the bathroom myself, so I don't mind. And besides," he said, looking sincerely at Todomatsu, "I need someone to walk with me in the dark too."

A grin spread across Todomatsu's face as he gingerly sipped his milk. "Sounds good!"

Choromatsu smiled as well. "I'm glad."

The two of them sat sipping their drinks in the dark until they finished, idly chatting about whatever a six year old and a twelve year old could talk about, which given Choromatsu's paternal nature, was actually a fair amount. They set their dishes in the sink and walked back to their rooms, Todomatsu bravely leading the way.

After a short period of time, the nightly meetings between the two became a fairly regular occurrence, usually happening two or three times a week. Neither of them minded helping each other, or rather Choromatsu did not mind helping Todomatsu, and Todomatsu proudly helped his brother who didn't actually need any help to begin with.

The months went on, and these short times together became treasured by the both of them. With a rather large and loud family, it was difficult to find quiet time where two people could just simply talk with one another, even if the two in question were six years apart. It made Todomatsu feel special to be spending one-on-one time with his older brother, and Choromatsu liked talking to the youngest.

He was able to learn things about Todomatsu that he might not have been able to learn without these times together, such as the reason his favorite color was pink was because it was a mixture of red and white (why that made it his favorite though, Choromatsu had yet to find out), and that Todomatsu liked rainy days almost as much as sunny days (but cloudy days were considered terrible). And it wasn't long before Choromatsu also found out that Todomatsu was a good listener and would listen to his worries, even if he didn't understand them, and would even offer solutions if he saw fit (for example, the reason Choromatsu was struggling in math was due to the fact that he preferred long sleeves, which somehow made sense in Todomatsu's mind).

This nighttime ritual continued well into Todomatsu's adolescence, for which he was grateful. He still found himself afraid of the dark and reluctant to walk down the halls by himself at night, though he would never admit this to anyone else but Choromatsu, who still insisted that the dark was scary and was grateful for Todomatsu's company during the nightly excursions.

It was during one of these times that Todomatsu began to notice a shift in the atmosphere. He was well aware of Choromatsu's packing, and he knew that in a few weeks he would be moving out to attend university, but the weight of that had never struck him until that night.

"So how many hours a day are you going to be in school again?" Todomatsu asked, sipping his warm milk.

"Around two," Choromatsu said with a chuckle. "But they give lots of homework, so I'll be busy."

"Well that sucks. All that free time and you just have to use it for more school."

Choromatsu had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing too loud. "I mean, that's what it's for. I'm not going to just have fun."

Todomatsu knew he was supposed to laugh right there, but he didn't feel the laughter come naturally. Instead he just felt the warmth from the mug on his fingers. "Are you scared?"

The smile faded from Choromatsu's face at the question. He looked down into his water glass before replying, "Of course." While he would put on a brave face in front of everyone else during the day, it didn't feel right to lie even a little bit to Todomatsu at the table. "I don't know what to expect. No one else has attended university." He thought for a moment and then added, "Yet. I'm sure I won't be the only one of us. And I'm still holding out on Mom trying to get a degree like she used to talk about."

Nodding slightly as he sipped his drink, Todomatsu then asked, "Who do you think the next one of us will be?"

Choromatsu paused for a moment before answering, "I have confidence that Karamatsu will get into that school in America. I wouldn't have believed it a year or two ago, but I think he's really come around." He took a drink of water before continuing, "And I'm pretty sure Jyushimatsu will get in somewhere on a baseball scholarship. And I have no doubt that you'll be able to get in anywhere if you set your mind to it."

Despite all the anxiety he was feeling at the thought of his brothers leaving, Todomatsu couldn't help but feel proud at his brother's last comment. He sat in silence before asking yet another question: "Do you know what you're going to study yet?"

The elder brother shook his head. "Not quite. I know something to do with business, so I know I'll need to focus on that. I just don't know what exactly." Choromatsu glanced at the clock before downing his glass of water. "It's really late, we need to get back to bed, are you almost done?"

Todomatsu stared down at his nearly empty cup that had already gone cold. "Almost," he whispered, wondering vaguely how he could make maybe a mouthful of milk last him longer.

"Well, drink it quick, it's after three in the morning."

He nodded, took the last sip of his drink, and placed it in the sink along with Choromatsu's glass. As per tradition, he grabbed hold of his brother's hand and walked down the dark hall with him, dragging his feet slightly as they walked.

Just before reaching the bedroom doors, Todomatsu held on tighter to Choromatsu's hand, causing him to pause where he would normally let go. "Wait," Todomatsu said in a low voice. He bit his lip, unsure if he actually wanted to voice his worry.

As always, Choromatsu looked at his younger brother patiently as he struggled to speak. After all, even the dark hallways were still under the protection of the painfully honest nightly meetings.

"When you go to university, who's going to help you get water in the dark?"

Choromatsu made a face that caused Todomatsu's stomach to turn uncomfortably. It was the kind of face that looked like a smile at the lips but at the eyes like they were about to cry. He squeezed Todomatsu's hand before letting go, opening his door without another word.

Todomatsu stood in the hallway for a brief moment, almost in too much shock to move. But eventually the darkness became too overwhelming for him to face alone, and the youngest brother quietly opened to the door to his shared room.

Several weeks later, Todomatsu woke up in the middle of the night with the urgent need to use the restroom. Tiptoeing carefully through his room, he opened the door slowly, making sure the creak wasn't too loud. The dark hallway loomed in front of Todomatsu as he stood there, alone in the dark for the first time in six years.

After several deep breaths, Todomatsu began edging his way down the hall towards the bathroom and eventually reached his destination, despite how long it took. He returned to his room just as slowly and only then realized how cold his bed felt upon without having had a mug of warm milk to drink before returning. Curling the blankets around himself, Todomatsu tried to push the thought of going to the kitchen by himself out of his mind before falling into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

 **Author's Note** : I'm sorry for all the angst as of late. I promise happier chapters in the future!

As always, constructive criticism is very welcome!


End file.
